The definition of orthorexia is, “an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy; a condition in which one avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful.”

Honestly, focusing on eating foods that are considered healthy and avoiding foods that are considered harmful sounds like a righteous pursuit. The end result is that you’re eating what supports your health, and avoiding what hinders it, right?

But the mindset and actions that accompany orthorexia can take on a life of their own, leading us down a path that can imprison us and create a lot of suffering.

Having healthy parameters around what you will and won’t eat, especially if you have a health goal in mind can be a very good thing. Those parameters will guide you toward your goal and help you arrive there more quickly than if you didn’t have them.

But if those parameters become strict black and white rules that you must follow religiously or else… Or if thinking about food and eating becomes an obsession that takes up a lot of your daily time and energy, then things have taken a turn towards the unhealthy.

This is when eating becomes about something other than fueling your brain and body, enjoyment, and nourishment.

One common example of this is if we feel like we need to compensate or punish ourselves with exercise and/or deprivation if we’re not perfect in how and what we eat.

As much as we might tell ourselves that health is the motivation behind our fixation on the right vs. the wrong foods, there is something else under the surface that is driving us and creating this pressurized dynamic around food and eating.

That covert motivation stems from our relationship with our weight, and it often shows up in an idea of what our body should look like, or a “magical” umber that we think we should weigh.

The number in your head that you think you should weigh, the image you have of your body that you want it to be, and even the subsequent punishments that follow if you’re not perfect about it all – is what so frequently fuels this obsession with healthy eating and healthy foods.

“If I follow these food rules, I’ll get/keep the body I want.”

It’s the number and image we have in our heads that has power over us. It is what is compelling us to adhere to the “rules” to get to that place.

Can you relate to any of this for yourself?

Orthorexia, or some version of it, is more common than one might think.

Most women are in some kind of perpetual battle with food and their bodies, striving for perfection and strict adherence to the food rules, and the inevitable failure, shame and self-punishment that comes with trying to do the impossible.

You might feel like you’re in a kind of mental prison, unable to freely enjoy yourself when it comes to eating and food. You might be constantly weighing your food choices and deciding if you need to restrict or dole out punishment for some food choice transgression.

The thing to remember is that you didn’t create this obsession. You inherited it. You absorbed it. You’ve been expected to take this on, like a Good Girl, and control yourself and your body with all these rules.

Sometimes it even feels bizarrely good to stay here. The rules are clear. There is a structure to it. And it gives us a felt sense that we are somehow in control.

But the mental prison of this kind of black and white thinking around food doesn’t serve us. They are so limiting. There is so much unlived LIFE between the black and white rules that keep us trapped.

And so very often, we wait to truly live until we’ve arrived at our magical number, or the image we hold of our bodies in our minds. Holding ourselves back from living is painful.

There is a way out of this mental prison. Learning to be grateful for and befriend the body you have today is part of the process. Identifying and then uncoupling ourselves from that unhelpful voice that always wants to judge and apply rules to things is another.

Spending more time doing things that help you to feel good in our bodies is another. In fact, a great question to ask yourself is, “What did I do today that helps me to feel good in my body?”

Whatever your answer is, consider doing more of those kinds of things – every day.

As you begin to shift away from the fixation on a number, and more towards creating a life that is a joy to live, the number will have less power over you. And you will not want or need to control things with rules and strict behaviors.

Creating a life-giving relationship with food and your body is a journey. For many women, it means discovering who they really are, what they want, and what makes them feel more alive.

Vitality and health are natural extensions of these things. As is your natural and healthy weight. Lean into life, and trust that your body will follow.