One client of mine was convinced she had to do more to be appreciated and better compensated at work. She had already been pulling 70 hour work weeks, taking on side projects, and saying ‘yes’ to things she knew were going to eat into her personal life.

Her weight started to climb. Her partner threatened to leave. Her autoimmune symptoms flared. Still, she was convinced that if she worked longer and harder she would receive the acknowledgment and appreciation she knew she deserved.

It never came.

Another client of mine stayed in a dysfunctional relationship for too long because she loved her person so much. Even when she went on anti-anxiety meds to deal with her partner’s erratic behavior… Even when there was a cataclysmic event that had her calling 9-1-1 to save her partner’s life…

Even when she started to gain weight, and her health started to suffer under the weight of relationship stress, she remained steadfastly committed to working things out.

It never happened.

Another client stayed in her dysfunctional marriage because she was ill. She had a small child and was scared to death she wouldn’t be able to care for her without having her husband around to “help”.

It didn’t matter that her partner didn’t contribute to the household. Or that whenever she tried to have a meaningful conversation with him, he would scream and yell and threaten to leave. It was just easier to keep the status quo.

Until it wasn’t.

Why do we stay in situations that are hurting us?

Even when there are signs that things are over or need to change…
Even when our bodies are screaming at us to do something – anything! – different…
Even when we can, at times, see quite clearly that things simply aren’t working…
Even when we feel like vomiting in our mouths when we think about how things are…

We can build up a tolerance to the untenable, dysfunctional, painful and even toxic circumstances we are living.

We can start living in a place of fantasy because we still hold hope that the promise we saw in our circumstances will finally come to fruition.

We can come up with every reasonable reason why we can’t make a change.

We can go into heavy denial that things aren’t really that bad.

And we can normalize the circumstances in our lives that are eroding our confidence, plummeting our quality of life, twisting our view of reality into something we’d be horrified to see our best friend living, and making or keeping us sick.

It’s not uncommon for even the most educated, enlightened, and forward thinking woman to stay in dysfunctional circumstances for too long simply because the status quo is what she knows.

And so many times, what we know – even if it is downright abusive – feels better than leaping into the mysterious unknown of change.

Usually there is a big fear that is holding us in that toxic place, paralyzing us into thinking we simply cannot change things. In fact, that fear might even compel us into thinking we need to do more.

More to “fix” things.
More to prove our value and worth.
More to be what someone else wants us to be
More to avoid ruffling feathers or making others uncomfortable.
More to prevent making things worse for us or someone we love.

When really what needs to happen is a full-on de-possession.

A de-possession of all the Good Girl programming we were spoon fed from infancy on up.

A de-possession of the unworthiness and unlovability we carry in our bones.

A de-possession of someone else’s idea of what we can and cannot have, and what is and isn’t possible for “someone like us”, and who we should be.

My go-to superpower for pointing a giant and sacred middle finger at all of this toxic conditioning is the Conscious Rebel. 😍

She is one of the Self-Honoring Woman archetypes, and she is POWERFUL. 🔥

She is the most evolved rebellious part of you that can give you permission to walk away from the have to’s, the shoulds, and the can’ts that are holding you, your health, and your life hostage.

If we let her, she will lead us out of the traps we can so easily fall into when we are afraid.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you feel ensnared by life as you know it, when you are tolerating more than you should, or where your energy is being syphoned off far faster than it is being replenished…

Your Conscious Rebel wants you to answer this question:

Where am I trying to please someone at the expense of what is true for me?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, and how this question impacts you.

 

Lots of love,
Alicia

PS: There are 4 other Self-Honoring Woman archetypes, and they are here to help you heal, create, grow, and thrive. ❤️