I like to stay active, and I walk my dog everyday. Rain, sleet, wind, snow or sun, we’re outside enjoying each other’s company, chasing the crows, ravens and squirrels (my dog does, I don’t), and definitely communing with the elements. I can’t tell you how often I sing praises to whoever invented Gore-Tex. It definitely helps me enjoy my time outside a lot more than I believe I would without it.

But this year I’ve made a commitment to myself and my physical body that I haven’t been willing to make for longer than I’d like to admit. I’m devoted to feeling strong, lithe and sensually alive in my body this year. I want to feel this way because I know it will enhance every other area of my life including my confidence, my beauty, my energy and my outlook on life.

Now, I know I’ll feel amazing, but I haven’t been able to get myself to do this on my own. So, I began training with a personal trainer a couple of weeks ago. I went through a physical assessment (the results weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be…) and twice a week I’m receiving personalized guidance and support from my Australian born trainer Deborah. And so far, it’s been nothing short of amazing.

I had to overcome some of my own personal “stuff” in order to allow this level of support into my life. I think in some ways I’ve told myself for years that I just need to do “it” (whatever it is) on my own. I attached a judgment to what it means if I can’t do it on my own – I’m weak, I have no willpower, there’s something wrong with me… – and that was preventing me from moving beyond my dissatisfaction with my fitness level and how it was feeling to live in my physical body.

Once I signed up and paid in advance for several training sessions (a great way to really commit, by the way), I then had to tackle my internal resistance to taking this kind of time for myself. I found myself saying things like, “I have this deadline, so I can’t schedule a work out today”, and “It must be nice to be able to work out three times a week – I don’t have that luxury.”

The one thing I said to myself that really got my attention was, “I don’t want to get too consumed by my appearance… I don’t want to be one of those women.” WOAH. Hold on there. What’s really going on here?

I immediately recognized that I was judging women who took time out of their lives to take exquisite care of themselves – by going to the gym, getting manicures and pedicures, and even by adorning their bodies with beautiful clothing and accessories. There was a deep streak of judgment (and jealousy…) inside of me that said doing these things for myself would mean I was selfish, high maintenance, and self-absorbed.

The truth is I like moving my body and feeling strong. I love getting manicures and pedicures – and my hands and feet love it too! And anyone who knows me or has seen my closet knows I absolutely love beautiful clothing. Love love love it. This internal judgment piece has kept me from really enjoying the things I love. And it’s also kept me from feeling as good as I know I can feel.

The time has come to replace this judgment with something new, something more authentic, and something more self-compassionate. I have chosen to replace these judgments (and jealousy) with something more true to me. And as a result, I’m able to give myself full permission to feel good in my body, and feel good about doing it. Because my goal above all else is to feel good, and this is where it begins!

To all of your radiant possibilities and much more,