My entire body was shaking like a leaf in the wind. I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut and all I could do was weep. When I finally allowed myself to completely feel the pain that I’d been avoiding for years, it literally took my breath away. It was so intense, so raw, and so unbelievable.

How had I been living with this for so long and not even realized it?!?

I was really dumbfounded by what I’d uncovered. I have literally spent decades of my life dedicated to peeling away the layers of childhood and adolescent wounds, core misunderstandings about who I am, and false beliefs that were suffocating me so that I could stand here today as the powerful, self-aware, compassionate woman I am dedicated to being.

But somehow I’d managed to stuff away the magnitude of this pain so completely that I wasn’t even aware it was there most of the time. Slowly, bit by bit, the cocoon I had woven to keep this pain at bay had begun to unravel. Over the course of about 3 months I began to allow myself to actually feel the intensity of the pain that I’d been ignoring and denying was there for over a decade.

It was devastating, and it was heart breaking. But more importantly, it was the truth.

Once I felt it fully, I knew I couldn’t ever allow myself to continue to live with it. Nor could I allow more of it to enter into my life. By feeling the pain fully, I had to admit that it actually wasn’t okay anymore. That much was very clear. I knew I desired better for myself, and that it was time to be certain I actually received better, now.

I’ve learned a lot about the things that have prevented me, and other women, from living the lives they dream of. Sometimes it’s X or Y  or Z. And sometimes it’s even A, B or C. In almost every case and scenario, there is something inside of a woman – myself included! – that won’t allow her to really have what she wants. It’s more self-sabotage than anything else… no matter how much it might appear otherwise.

Even if the roadblocks to your dreams and desires are showing up in some external fashion, there is still something inside of you that is attracting those external experiences into your life.

Often it’s a belief system that was set into motion years, even decades ago, and inevitably there is a powerful fear that’s present, too. Sometimes there are other roadblocks that we put in our way – things like addictions to things you know are hurting you, and stories you tell yourself (and others) to prove how helpless you are to change things.

Projections about what you think will happen or what you absolutely, positively, without a shred of doubt know to be true about something, or someone – these can act as considerable roadblocks to freely choosing and living life the way you really want, too.

Anytime you feel yourself holding back from speaking what’s true for you, from saying “yes” to experiencing what you want to enjoy, from allowing your fears to determine who you can be, what you can have, and how you can live your life, you are inevitably bumping up against a significant roadblock in your life, even if it’s a completely unconscious decision on your part.

When I uncovered this pain that I’d been hiding from myself, I realized how deeply and powerfully it was affecting my decision-making and my every day interactions with people I love. Instead of being me, I was only being a fraction of myself because to be all of me would have required me to acknowledge and feel the pain that I was squirreling away inside. And for years it felt too scary and overwhelming to do that.

This is really important to realize, because one thing can actually stop you from having the whole life that you desire.

I’m still amazed at how creative I became at avoiding, denying, and lying to myself about that pain. I minimized it. I had a million excuses and good reasons for why it was okay that it was there and why I didn’t need to look at it more deeply. I even realized I had allowed that pain to be there because I told myself I was strong enough for it to be a constant in my life – and that it was okay for me to be hurting because I was strong enough to handle it.

What?!?

When I finally went into the pain and allowed myself to really experience it, it ignited a clarity in me that had been missing. It also made me realize that a lack of clarity in and of itself can really be one of your worst enemies and biggest roadblocks to overcome. Lack of clarity leads to a lot of indecision, unnecessary struggle, and it’s really a recipe for exhaustion, frustration and mayhem.

If you don’t know what you want – or at the very least what you don’t want – you can’t channel your time, energy and other valuable resources in the best direction for you. Instead you end up hopping from one thing to the next, trying to derive a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment from things that could never really make you happy.

Part of the pain I was harboring came from being mostly clear about what I wanted, but then holding back from the rest because I didn’t know if I could ever have what I secretly wanted. I didn’t fully stand in my clarity. I was wishy-washy about my desires, which meant I never clearly asked for what I really wanted. In essence, I was making certain I never received my true desires because if you don’t ask, it certainly won’t magically appear!

Roadblocks to desires are sometimes really obvious, like an elephant in a room. And other times they’re quite subtle, mysterious feeling, and very much an unconscious way of living and orienting to the world. Regardless, they are the things that are perpetuating a huge disconnect between where you are now, and where you dream of being.

If you never address and shift these roadblocks, they will forever prevent you from living the life you desire and being able to fully appreciate and enjoy it. And my dear, trust me when I say that’s no way to live.

I can’t wait to share more about this, and the keys to moving through these roadblocks, on my free call in just a couple of weeks. You can sign up for the call (or to receive the recording of the call if you can’t make it live) at: www.ReadyForLuxe.com.