I met a woman this past week who has 3 kiddos under the age of 3½. She laughed when she said, “The twins were a surprise!” but her laugh didn’t reach her eyes when she said it. She is struggling.

She shared with me in a private conversation that she is tired, stretched very thin, and pretty much just holding on for dear life every day.

I just wanted to hug her. Because this motherhood thing… 😳 It is no joke. She pulled me aside to share something with me that I think so many women can relate to.

She said, “I really want to lose weight. I really do. But when people start talking about ‘healthy and clean eating, all I can think of is UGH! I just know I can’t go on a diet right now. But then, I feel like that’s the only way I can lose weight… I just feel stuck!”

Oh, I hear you. I really do.

Now this woman wants to look in the mirror and recognize who she sees staring back at her. She wants to feel good and be able to take great care of her kids, too. She is motivated to create positive change in herself and her body.

And, she is sleep deprived. She is up to her eyeballs in diapers and little people needs. And she has very little space, time, and enjoyment that is her own.

This is not uncommon for women in our culture. We’ve all been taught to put everyone else’s needs before our own, and to push down our own desires to keep everyone and everything together. We also bear the brunt of un-paid, and frequently unrecognized, labor in the family.

It can feel like we’re only here to take care of everyone else. Our needs get back-burner-ed. And pleasure? It can become non-existent for long stretches of time.

But this lack of pleasure, and space and time to feel ourselves … It causes problems of all kinds for women. Because pleasure is a non-negotiable for women’s health.

When pleasure is scarce or absent the chemistry of stress, irritation, and resentment begin to take over in our bodies. It is deeply uncomfortable to live like that, so we start to reflexively reach for quick fixes – to feel grounded, to feel better, to feel relief – and sometimes what we reach for is food.

Now before we start to hate on food, let’s remember: Food works! It instantly changes our biochemistry and voilà! A moment of respite! Yes, it comes with unwanted side effects, but the food isn’t the problem. It’s the solution.

And it is a solution that takes us away from ourselves. It can take us deeper into the hell we’re wanting to escape from.

The real solution we are seeking is pleasure – play, rest and replenishment. The kind of true pleasure that doesn’t come with a price tag that hurts us in the process.

In its purest form, pleasure nourishes us – body, heart and soul. It is life-giving. It helps us to feel supported and connected. It creates a full-body chemistry that heals.

And yet, we get so caught up in our daily responsibilities and never-ending to-do lists, that pleasure gets lost. Especially when we are mothers and we are in a role that is always giving, giving, giving.

When I mentioned a lack of pleasure and time for herself to this beautiful woman who had approached me, she immediately recognized what I was talking about. She knew she wasn’t recharging or filling up enough to keep giving.

Sometimes simply recognizing a pattern like this can help us to make different choices moving forward. And sometimes it’s more complicated, and we have to address more of the imbalances that are contributing to the lack of pleasure that is hurting us.

But let there be no doubt – pleasure heals. It replenishes. It soothes and helps us come back to ourselves.

What is one thing you can start doing on a regular, maybe daily basis, that would increase the amount of pleasure in your life? Feel good to you? Provide a healthy respite from the responsibilities in your life?

What would it be like to create a pleasure practice for yourself? To fill your cup regularly? To give yourself the space and time to come back to yourself again, especially when the needs of others are constantly tugging at your sleeve.

I, for one, believe it’s time we all found out. I dream of a world where women are honoring themselves and allowing themselves to be deeply nourished and supported. I dream of a world where women are safe and free to self-express and create and be the sensual, powerful creatures we are.

It starts with each of us, making the choice to receive the pleasure that is our birthright. Because pleasure heals so much more than the woman who is receiving it.