It’s the start of a new year – are you feeling focused and excited? Or more dazed and confused? Maybe a bit of both??

With all that’s going on in the world right now, there’s so much uncertainty and so much that’s unknown. So much is… different.

Not being able to “see” the way forward can be one of the biggest reasons why we tell ourselves we can’t, we have to wait, or it’s just not possible right now when it comes to our dreams, goals and desires.

But, instead of postponing your goals and dreams, I say it’s time to approach them in a new and different way – a way that’s a sharp departure from…

Needing to know how things are going to turn out
Having everything make clear, rational sense
Needing it all to be perfect – including ourselves
Avoiding making a ‘mistake’ at all cost
Always putting a happy face on even the most demanding experiences
Holding ourselves to impossible standards
Needing to justify everything we do
Proving that every choice we make is a ‘good’ or ‘right’ one

I believe that we can live in a way that engages the power of our intuition and emotions, honors our bodies, and allows our needs, wants and desires to lead the way.

But this is not the way our world is organized today. Most women – even women who have been doing their personal and spiritual work for years and years – are living lives that are a far cry from this kind of life.

Instead, their lives are sucking them dry. They feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and they know they aren’t really living.

It’s a bit like climbing a staircase to nowhere. What’s it all for – the hard work, the long hours, the constant go-go-go, the guilt if you’re not doing it all, the exhaustion when you are… What’s it all for?

Even if there are great financial rewards for all of your hard work, what’s it all for if you’re unable to function in your life because you’re so damn tired? If you’re yelling at your kids because your patience is completely spent? If it’s your day off and all you can do is lie in bed? If your dreams are calling but your overly responsible self perpetually pushes them to the sidelines? If everyone around you is thriving but you’re waiting to live your life?

(Also… none of this is your fault. There is nothing wrong with you!. You live in a time and culture that doesn’t know how to do things any other way, and that same culture will blame you if you can’t thrive in this twisted status quo.)

I believe there are 3 essential strengths that we have to cultivate inside of ourselves if we’re ever going to really live our lives.

STRENGTH #1: Preserve yourself

Women are precious, invaluable, beloved resources on this planet. Are you treating yourself like the magnificent treasure that you are? I say conserve your energy in every way you can. Prioritize yourself, your pleasure, and your fulfillment. Look for easier ways to do things. Delegate wherever and whenever you can. Ask for what you need. Your value and worth have nothing to do with how much you suffer or how much you give, and there are no rewards for martyrdom or struggle. So, normalize self-preservation. Make your vitality, happiness and delight non-negotiable.

STRENGTH #2: Make discomfort your ally

Discomfort shows up in a myriad of ways – not knowing, transitions and change, fear and doubt, disappointing others, envy and jealousy, guilt and shame… I could go on and on. Our culture is organized around negating discomfort and always needing to feel “fine”.  But when we’re always trying to be fine and avoid feeling the things that don’t feel “good”, we no longer have access to some really important information and wisdom. So many women veer “off course” with their lives because they override their discomfort, try to make it no big deal, and frame it as something they can handle. I say, make your discomfort your ally. If something doesn’t feel good, ask it what it’s trying to tell you. Give it room to speak and let it inform you.

STRENGTH #3: Be okay with disappointing others

For oh-so many reasons, you may have learned very early on that it’s your role and full-time job to make everyone around you comfortable, happy, stable… You may have spent a good amount of time and life force playing this role – and you might be very good at it. But what would it be like to disappoint someone? Let them be uncomfortable, fend for themselves, figure things out, and even go a bit nuts? What would it be like to change your mind, rescind on an agreement that’s become toxic to you, say no, bow out, walk away…? None of what’s going on for anyone else has anything to do with you, even if they say it does. <- Read that line again! The more you can disentangle from the idea that you are somehow responsible for someone else’s experience, the more the people around you will have to start taking responsibility for their own lives. The more you can be okay with disappointing someone, the more true to yourself you can allow yourself to be.

These 3 essential strengths all have something in common – they are all ways that you can honor and choose yourself in 2021.

Choosing yourself is how you honor what is real and true for you. It’s how you fill your cup so you can give and contribute and connect and weave your magic in your world.

Choosing yourself is the most courageous and generous thing you could ever do – for yourself and for others. Because on the other side of choosing yourself is a better, happier, healthier you. A more confident and creative you. A more daring, inspired, loved up you. A more truthful, powerful, capable and connected you.

These 3 strengths are necessary for women today. It’s important to preserve yourself, make discomfort your ally, and be okay with disappointing others. Because these 3 essential strengths will help you be that passionate and purposeful, alive and inspired, radiant and powerful woman you know you’re here to be.