When I saw the number on the scale, I knew something wasn’t “right”. In just one week’s time I had gained nearly 14 pounds and I knew I wasn’t eating nearly enough food to warrant such a rapid gain. Next I tested my urine and it tested positive for protein. Even though I new what these signs and symptoms meant, I still burst into tears when the midwife told me that I likely had developed a condition called “Pre-eclampsia”. I was told to get my blood drawn at a local hospital and that it was no longer safe for me to deliver my baby at the birth center. My visions and dreams of a peace-filled water birth vanished, and instead I had to start preparing myself for a new reality – a high-risk hospital birth.

My husband met me at the hospital while I had my blood drawn. We were both emotional and disappointed, but excitement was also a part of what we were feeling. Ready or not, according to plan or not, my body was saying that it was time to delivery this baby. The thought of seeing his face and kissing his fingers and toes was enough to keep me focused on the task at hand, and I was determined to focus on the positive. The alternative just didn’t feel good.

We went to the local health food store to stock up on healthy alternatives to commercial energy drinks and things that I could take that would help me keep my energy levels high. After a month of being sick with pneumonia, I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks and I was tired. We laughed and cried as we shopped the grocery aisles, and then we went home to pack a bag with clothes, toiletries and our diaper bag.

The next day we received the test results, and I was told to check into my local hospital. I remember telling myself that I was going to think about this experience like I was going to a 5-star luxury resort – one where I would come home as a new mother with a healthy baby boy. I was thrilled when we arrived in a gorgeous mountain view room. At least we had something pretty to look at!

For the next 3 days I was completely bed-ridden, IVs, tubes, monitors, pumps and catheters streaming from my body. After 4 different attempts to induce labor it was clear that my body and baby had different thoughts on the matter. I didn’t respond to induction, and soon my organs began to suffer and show early signs of shutting down.

At 7am on the 4^th day, the doctor came in to tell me he was concerned and that in 20-minutes he wanted to perform a cesarean birth. I was exhausted, emotional and hitting my limit. As scared as I was to have surgery, I knew in my heart that it was time to do whatever was necessary to safely birth my baby. My body and health were in a critical state, and I knew it was important to do what was necessary to ensure both of us went home.

The surgery was successful in that our son Ocean was born. However it was a traumatic experience for me on many levels. We stayed in the hospital another 4 days because my blood pressure was still incredibly high. My body had also ballooned with edema and it was painful to walk, bend my knees and place weight on my swollen ankles. Whenever I looked down at my legs and arms I didn’t even recognize myself. I remember thinking over and over again, “Whose body is this?”

It was an incredible, terrifying, wonderful, awful and magnificent experience all around.

It’s nearly 3-months since Ocean’s birth and I am still recovering my former energy, stamina and strength. My lungs are still recovering from pneumonia, and my abdomen is still healing from the cesarean. But I’m very proud to say that I have, at every turn and decision along the way, made the best out of what has been a truly life-altering experience.

I continue to look for the gifts that this journey has brought to my life, and how it has and continues to teach me. I have been humbled, enlightened, and fortified in my knowing that whatever life brings I am capable of meeting it with an open heart, an open mind, and a willingness to listen to my inner wisdom. I have been given many opportunities to surrender, trust, and receive support from people and places I did not expect. I have been brought to my knees with gratitude, blessings and love like I’ve never known before.

I am without a doubt a changed woman, as most women are after having a child. I’ve also learned that no matter the circumstance, environment or situation, it is possible to invoke soulful beauty. It is possible to open up to the support and possibilities that soulful luxury can offer. I also learned that it is imperative to allow the soul to lead every step of the way.

Beauty, luxury and soul. In my experience these are gateways to heightened consciousness, elevated vibrational realities and clear alignment with what the heart and soul require to evolve and grow in greater love, compassion and awareness. I feel blessed to be here today, to have a healthy baby boy, and to be committed to framing my experience as a deep soul journey and an awakening to the joy of life and living fully. May it be so. And so it is.