There is a frenetic energy and pace that starts to become infectious this time of year. If you’re not conscious and aware of it, you’ll find yourself being carried away by it, just like most people around you.

I recently read an ad that called this time of year “The Busy Season”, and I had an immediate and visceral reaction to it. My first thoughts was, “Yuck! I’m so not interested in subscribing to that!”

It’s so important to remember you have CHOICE.

Even when it comes to family gatherings, work parties, getting together with friends and loved ones, travel, indulging in all of its forms, and more – you can always choose if, and how, you will participate.

You may be reading this and thinking I’m either totally nuts or a very lonely, curmudgeon of a woman who has no heart. 😂 But hear me out on this – especially if you’re someone who quite easily slips into the habit of putting everyone else first.

I used to be the same way. In fact, my entire life was oriented around making things wonderful for everyone else. In certain ways, it worked for me – for a long time – until it didn’t.

When I say it didn’t work, what I mean is I was exhausted, starving for someone to give back to me, resentful, and secretly angry AF. Because over time, those people I was caring so well for became not only accustomed to me always putting them first, but they expected it, and felt entitled to it.

But if the tables were turned and I had a need? A desire? Their reactions were horrific. How dare I take away from them! How dare I have needs!

Needless to say, it was a very bad dynamic that took a lot of work on my part to disentangle myself from. But I did remove myself, and I’ve never regretted it – not once.

My lived experience is why I’m so aware of this pattern – even when it’s more subtle than what I’ve described above. This is why I invite you to start honoring yourself more – so you don’t have to get to the point where you’re so depleted and furious that you either hurt yourself, get sick, or explode.

So, how do you start honoring yourself when you have a (longstanding) pattern of putting others first?

The first step is to give yourself PERMISSION. No one else can give it to you. It must come from you – more specifically, it must come from that part of you that knows how incredible you are, and only wants the very best for you.

You must give yourself permission to disappoint others. To be selfish – in the most life-giving, life-affirming ways for you. You must give yourself permission to enjoy your life, and not be the one who is forever taking care of things behind the scenes so everyone else can have a good time.

You have to give yourself permission to slow down and rest – neither of which must be earned nor deserved. Going slow allows you to feel yourself, your body, and your needs. Rest is your birthright. Period.

You must give yourself permission to let go and allow others to be responsible for their own experiences, their own enjoyment, and their own lives (small children aside, because they still need you for so many things 😉).

And you must give yourself permission to RECEIVE – receive a breath, receive the present moment, receive enjoyment and love, receive the experiences that in the past you were so busy “making happen” for everyone else.

Aside from permission, what else do you need?

Trust – in other people, in life, and in yourself.

Courage – to break longstanding patterns and nourish yourself first.

Devotion – to holding yourself in the highest regard every day.

And a sense of humor – because laughter is the best medicine when we’re doing things in a new and different way, and we feel awkward and uncomfortable and uncertain at best.

Then…

Set your intentions around what you want to experience and enjoy this holiday season – just for yourself. Make a list! Then set your intentions and make another list of what you want to experience and enjoy with others.

And finally, schedule those things into your calendar and create healthy boundaries around them so other people and things can’t infringe on what you intend and desire for you.

I sincerely hope you allow this holiday season to ALSO be about you, your heart’s desires, and your enjoyment. Because a fueled, nourished, fulfilled you will have a positive ripple effect on everyone else. And that is magical, indeed.