There are a lot of ugly words in the English language. Words like racism, sexism, rape, slavery, murder, to name a few. They all possess an inherently ugly energy that speaks to the savagery, ignorance, and desire (sometimes unconscious) to wield power over another in a way that is demeaning and even dehumanizing.

It hurts me to see so many of these ugly words not only being spoken, but acted out in ways that are traumatizing to bear witness to, let alone experienced directly. As a white woman I have the privilege of ignoring or turning away from these acts of violence if they offend me or if I feel vicariously hurt by them, and I recognize on a very deep level that this is a privilege many don’t possess. I have my personal ways of protesting the ugliness that’s been unfolding in these most recent months and years, but even these feel inadequate in the wake of the events in Charlottesville, VA.

When I asked myself what else I could do to be a positive force amidst so much anger, suffering and pain, I realized I could write about the perspective I hold in the face of bewildering, nonsensical acts and events. It’s easy to get caught up in the human story that is so vividly playing out in front of our eyes today. It’s easy to feel enraged, heartbroken, powerless and even like you don’t want to touch any of it with a 30 foot pole.

How do you make sense of the indignation and rage that is bubbling over inside of so many people today – the kind of rage that leads to acts of extreme violence, terrorism, and death? And how can we empower ourselves and those that need our support in the face of such unthinkable injustices without inviting in unnecessary suffering, without doing harm to our well-being, and without losing our connection to our divinity?

There is so much division and polarity in our world today. How do we stand in our wholeness and remember who we really are amidst such fierce enticement to make someone wrong and someone else right?

I’ve been feeling into where these dynamics live inside of me. Where have I separated myself from others? Where have I made myself better, or less than, someone else? Where and when have I felt superior to someone, and inferior to others? And how has all of that served this wave of hatred, ignorance, and violence that I see all around me today?

It is this dynamic – the feelings of inferiority and superiority that creates division, and that convinces us that we aren’t or can’t be like another because they are this and we are that. It’s this dynamic that plays out inside of me, and dare I say you, every day, all of the time.

When you’re taught that one thing is better than another – by family, country, religion, culture, etc. – and you ARE that one thing, it’s easy to then believe that you are better than those who are not that thing. So, if you live in the United States and you’re white, or thin, or educated, or wealthy, or English speaking, or pick your favorite flavor of Christianity… you’ve been taught that you are better than, or that who you are or what you have is more desirable than the alternatives you see around you.

From this place, it’s easy to develop a sense of superiority – meaning a subtle or not-so-subtle belief that you are better in some way than those who aren’t like you or don’t have what you have. Your sense of superiority might be very unconscious, or maybe you just feel “lucky”. Your sense of superiority might be very clear to you, too.

Feeling superior doesn’t mean you’re going to start carrying a torch while inciting a riot and chanting mantras that are meant to elicit fear and reactivity. But it can mean that you come across to some as ignorant, arrogant, and/or entitled.

The reverse is true, too. When you live in a culture that deems certain traits, physical attributes, and more as being better than others, and you DON’T possess those things, you can very easily internalize a sense of inferiority to those who do. Your skin color, religion, dress size, sexual orientation, education, accent, and so much more can leave you feeling like you’re the best of the best, or the most disenfranchised, misunderstood, unloved and outcast person who will never fit in, never amount to much, and never achieve the level of success and happiness that is available to others.

I believe BOTH dynamics of inferiority and superiority are playing out inside of us at all times. There are times and places when you probably feel completely inferior to others, and there are also times and place when you might feel the opposite.

There can be a tremendous sense of relief in feeling superior in some way. But if it’s felt in an unconscious way, it can be easy to wield that sense of superiority over others, and to create division and polarity from that place.

I’ve been asking myself the following questions to help bring more awareness to where and when I slip into feeling superior and inferior. They’ve helped me to identify the places where I’ve unknowingly created a sense of separation and hierarchy in my own mind and life, and where I’ve dwelled in a place of privilege, or granted a similar privilege (whether it’s deserved or not) to others.

1) In what ways do I feel superior to others?

2) In what ways do I feel inferior to others?

3) How does my sense of inferiority feed my biggest insecurities and fears?

4) How does my sense of superiority create a sense of separation from others inside of me?

5) What am I missing out on by believing I’m inferior or superior to someone else?

6) What becomes possible in my life if I set aside my feelings of superiority and inferiority?

May these questions support you in teasing apart this quietly deceptive and polarizing dynamic that is all around us, and may they help you to come back to a place of wholeness, truth and love inside of yourself.

Here is my heartfelt prayer for us all during these tumultuous times:

May the suffering and grief that we all feel serve us to turn more deeply towards the love that lives beneath the hurt. May our minds and hearts be opened to how we may all be in service to the light. May we choose to be held in grace instead of motivated by fear, hate, and retaliation. May divine wisdom flow to us and through us, to pave the way for a remembering of how to love fiercely, freely, and fully. This or something even better for the highest good of all concerned. And so it is!