My son and I were sitting at the dinner table together, talking like we do, sharing stories and laughing. I asked him what he thought he wanted to be when he grows up.

He, of course, had a very detailed and well thought out answer that encompassed all of his then current interests (think roofer + ambulance driver + jackhammer operator…). And then he asked me the same question:

“What do you want to be when you grow up, mama?” My instantaneous reply surprised me. “I want to be an artist.”

Uhhh, whaaat?

But the words were out there, and I knew there was a ring of truth to them. I’ve loved art since I was a little girl – every form of it. And I’m in awe of artists of all kinds, be they fashion designers, painters, chefs, architects, musicians…

I haven’t let myself personally explore this passion of mine since college and my foray into the culinary arts in 2010. I’ve had so many judgments and criticisms about taking the time to make art. I remember at one point, just a handful of years ago, hearing myself say that me doing art didn’t serve any real purpose…

Ummm, what’s that again??

Really, what I’d done was told myself that if I couldn’t be an amazing, hugely successful, internationally adored artist, then it was pointless… and that mindset was keeping me from exploring something that I really love.

Thanks to some wise and inspiring words from Elizabeth Gilbert, I had a conversation with that overly judgmental and demanding voice in my head. I told that voice that my only commitment was to DO art, not to be any GOOD at it.

Because the real longing in my heart is to…

Allow creativity and life to flow through me
Express myself
Get messy
Tap into my joy
Enjoy the process and be unattached to the product or outcome
Let go of needing to monetize everything I do

I recently took an intuitive painting class – 5 hours of painting from my inner knowing and experience. I went into the class knowing that my main goal was NOT to create a masterpiece, but to just have fun. And I did!

(A bonus of that intuitive painting class was that I tapped into some very visceral and BIG emotions about my healing journey these past 5 years and found a way to express them with paint! SO cathartic!)

I also learned A LOT and saw how quickly and easily those very articulate and judgmental parts of me want to take control and tell me what to do (and what not to do). I also saw how easy it can be to override my intuition and desire, even in an intuitive painting class.

Here’s where my celebration is: I DID IT ANYWAY. The feeling of freedom and joy and accomplishment I have for having CREATED ART ANYWAY was and still is… amazing.

I share all of this with you here because I know each of you has a secret desire or dream that you come back to again and again. Perhaps you haven’t let yourself explore it or go very far with it because a very rational, reasonable voice inside of you pipes in and tells you all the reasons why you can’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t possibly…

That voice is very good at injecting fear into what would otherwise be a truly fulfilling and delightful experience!

What if you took a teeny, tiny step towards honoring that dream by sharing it in the comments below?

PS: Meet my intuitive painting titled “The will to live”