Many of you know that I’ve been dealing with ongoing health challenges for more than five years now (you can read a little more about my story here). Due to super low energy, complex trauma, and other factors, I’ve had to seriously curtail how I live for quite some time now.

When the pandemic hit the US almost a year ago it unexpectedly added another layer of trauma to my life, but also another form of restriction to how I could live my life. I’d already adjusted to staying home a vast majority of the time, doing very little travel (and then none), and needing to clearly prioritize things in my life so that I could make being a single mother work.

I shared what I’d learned from years of social distancing before it became a thing everyone was doing (you can read more about that here).

As I watched so many struggle to adjust to all of the ways their lives were shrinking, my heart hurt for them. Shrinking your life isn’t easy to do. Even now, there is so much about my pre-health crisis, pre-pandemic life that I miss. This is something everyone is feeling, to some degree, now too.

Around April of 2020 something inside of me broke open. I realized there were a host of fears that I’d been pushing away that needed to be heard. I laid in my bed, let each fear I’d been hiding from speak to me, and listened. It felt liberating to stop pushing the fears down and away, and to instead hear them out. As I sat with all of my fears, I could feel my inner being respond with “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”

But then another layer emerged.

I felt rage, and a degree of anger I’d often pushed down or run away from. I was pissed off that so many years of my life had been tied up in finding health again. I was furious that my life was being curtailed even more by the pandemic. I was so mad that this was happening to me, and everyone else, too.

I got down on the floor of my bedroom and felt the rage as it moved through my body. It was hot, and energizing, and really strong. I shook, I cried, I used more 4-letter words than usual. And in that moment I felt something wake up and rise inside of me.

It vowed to stop waiting and start living anyway.

The thing about health crises, and pandemics, and even life itself, is that as much as we want them to be predictable, straightforward, linear, rational, safe and easy… none of them are.

Part of the fear I was feeling was about whether or not I, and my young son, were going to be okay… safe. Part of the rage I was feeling came from recognizing how I’d stepped out of my power, put my life on hold, and had been waiting until a way forward became clear.

But that’s not how any of this stuff works. When it comes to times like these, we have to let go of the idea that we have to…

Have things figured out in advance
See the full picture before we can begin
Know everything in advance
Be ‘ready’ before we can move forward
Wait for a sign, permission, divine intervention, or a miracle
Have a plan, map, and clear path forward
Be calm, poised, neat, tidy and put together
Wait for everything to be safe

It’s important that we tend to and care for the parts of ourselves that are scared, traumatized , or that just want to curl up in a ball, rock back and forth, and find comfort and safety wherever possible. We must find safety where we can. We must feel safe in ourselves.

It’s equally important that we recognize that when it comes to life, there are zero guarantees of safety. Growth and change – these things are inherently risky. Add a pandemic and/or a health crisis on top of that and you’ve got some seriously intimidating things to face.

This is where facing our fears, feeling our rage, letting ourselves be honest and raw and real can be so healing and liberating. Letting ourselves feel what we feel and want what we want can actually inform and guide us, if we will let them.

In that moment when I realized I’d been putting my life on hold waiting for some good news about the pandemic, waiting for my energy to improve, hoping I’d miraculously wake up one morning and magically have my pre-health crisis body back – these were all ways I had put my life on hold.

My anger and rage showed me that there was a very wise, very powerful part of me that was supremely pissed off that I’d stopped living. And she was having no more of that!

Since then, I’ve been living differently. I’ve found ways to let circumstances be what they are without putting my life on hold. Because if there is one thing nearly dying taught me it’s that I will not leave this life filled with regret around the living I didn’t do!

Amidst so many choices being stripped away, I decided to find ways to create choice in my life. 

Amidst such intense feelings of powerlessness, I made the decision to find ways to be powerful.

I started living every day as if all external circumstances were going to be here for however long they are going to be here. Those things are out of my control. What is in my control is how I choose to live every day.

How can you think differently about living your life?

If you were to start living like the pandemic, or a health condition, or something in your life that is deeply challenging is going to be here for good, how can you still choose to live anyway? 

Remember, we are made for these times, and these times are made for us. So, let’s make the most of these times. Let’s live bravely, boldly, creatively, joyfully. Together we can.

PS: Here are a few things I’ve focused on that have helped a lot!

1. I spend time outside or in nature almost every day, even if only for a short time.
2. I plan ahead and schedule time to connect with loved ones regularly.
3. I’ve started exploring something I’ve wanted to do for the past 35 years – a new hobby and creative outlet – which has opened up so much excitement in my life.
4. I make space to feel my feelings and express them as honestly as I can, even when it’s messy and scary to do so.
5. I get dressed and put on makeup almost every day – I just feel better about myself when I do.
6. I move my body regularly – sometimes it’s a full-on sweat, other times it’s stretching and self-massage, sometimes it’s a virtual yoga or Pilates class.
7. I choose to eat at regular intervals throughout the day and I make healthy food choices.
8. I prioritize feeling good – because I’m a better person, mother, friend, coach, everything when I do – which means I steer clear of people, virtual environments, relationships, foods, and other things that make me feel low and icky.
9. I have a list of go-to inspirational sources for myself that I plug into regularly to fill my cup and keep me in a life-giving head and heart space.
10. I have amazing support around me – this took time and effort to set up – which has helped the rest of my life feel amazing and work so much better.
11. I have both structure and flow in my life. The structure creates a sense of routine and predictability that feels really good right now (and that my son thrives in) while the flow lets me be creative, have variety and avoid feeling like I have no choice or I’m in a rut.

PPS: I’d love to hear from you! What can you do to still choose life amidst everything that’s going on all around us?​​

Growth orientation – choosing goals, experiences, dreams that will GROW us, ask us to evolve, be uncomfortable but give us so much more in return.

Safety orientation:

There is inherent risk in growth, change and evolution… but no one ever said life was going to feel safe always and forever. In fact, would you want it to?

I heard Deepak Chopra give a lecture 10 years ago where he talked about what it would feel like to wake up everyday and know exactly what was going to happen, and have every day be just like that. Would that excite you? Feel fulfilling? Inspire and light a fire inside of you?

In fact, I believe that challenge, unexpected circumstances and changeare what make life… interesting. I, for one, enjoy surprises – even when there is disappointment involved. Because I’ve learned to trust myself. I know I can meet anything life presents to me. And I learn something each and every time – I grow and evolve. And that excites me.

This is a growth orientation to life – it’s distinctly different from and orientation that values safety above all else.

PS: Tomorrow in my private FB group I’ll be going LIVE to share my process for creating your “get-to-do-list” that transcends resolutions and goals while helping you live the life you really want to live. Join us! 9am PT, 12pm ET here.