Today was wonderful. I went through my entire day feeling so creative, joyful, at ease, and alive. 

And now, I’m reflecting on what it’s taken for me to experience the pride and pleasure I am feeling right now – the immense happiness that I am, in this moment, living my life as the woman I want to be.

Because it’s been quite the journey for me to be able to sit here and write these words to you. 

My upbringing taught me to be what everyone else wanted me to be. It taught me to squelch my natural impulses, deny my inherent value and worth, put everyone else’s needs before my own, to dim and diminish myself to make others more comfortable, and to forge connection with others through pain.

Thankfully, a lot has changed! I’ve put in the decades of dedication to my own liberation. I do the deep, intense, consciousness changing work, even today. I’ve lived and learned a lot.

More than anything, I’ve become a woman who gives herself full permission to be who she is, and to walk ever towards becoming the woman she wants to be.

Here are a few skills I recognize have helped and continue to support me in becoming the woman I want to be. Your life may be giving you plenty of opportunities to gather many of these same skills for yourself. Read on and notice how they can and are supporting you in becoming the woman you want to be.

1. I follow my creative impulse and desire. I am always creating in my mind. But it’s only recently that I’ve given myself permission to create in real life – to take my ideas and imaginings and bring them into form – from the very practical, to the hugely fantastical. The thing that shifted everything for me was learning how to stop operating and working from “push” and “prove” – which was depleting and exhausting me to no end. I now work and create from a place of desire. My experience of creating is far different, much more enjoyable, and I feel nourished and enlivened by it. Looking back, I can clearly see how my former orientation to work and creating was blocking my self-expression and joy. The woman I want to be cannot and will not live like that.
2. I take time to befriend my fears. This has been life-changing for me in many ways because no matter how evolved or successful or masterful you are, fear is part of the human experience. Our culture teaches us to push away, deny, run away from, and fight our fears. I’ve learned that listening to, learning from, and honoring my fears taps me into a source of wisdom and power that I simply cannot access otherwise. I have a special process I do with my fear that transforms it into an ally. It makes me far better equipped to make forward movement in my life, and to have the courage to be the woman I want to be.
3. My self-care is non-negotiable. As cliché as it may sound, I take my self-care very seriously. I have choreographed many aspects of my life around the level of self-care that I require. I always take into consideration the amount of sleep, exercise, nourishment, support, pleasure, connection, beautification, and enjoyment I know I need as I plan out my day, week, month, and year. This is because the woman I want to be holds herself in the highest regard. Even amidst her busy life and responsibilities, she takes risks. She is courageous, and full of laughter, kindness, and life. Her self-care is the foundation for everything, and she has systems, routines, and habits in place to ensure she is cared for and cherished.
4. I honor my intuition and inner wisdom. I’ve learned to listen to what my inner wisdom is telling me. The consequences of not listening in the past were significant enough to teach me to pay attention to that small, wise inner voice. I’ve learned to discern my inner wisdom from fear, and to not be afraid of being “wrong” or too “airy-fairy”. In fact, I now know that my intuition and inner wisdom are incredibly grounding and clear. They focus me, remind me of things I might otherwise forget or overlook, and they advise me of things my rational mind cannot. The woman I want to be lives in harmony with her intuition and her intellect. She knows I need them both to fulfill my potential.
5. I own and embody my mastery. Owning and embodying mastery is not the same as saying I have nothing left to learn, my growth is complete, or that I’ve finally arrived. For me it means that I walk my talk, I hold high standards for myself, I have clear boundaries, and I live into all of them accordingly. It means I acknowledge and celebrate how far I’ve come. It means I am willing to keep growing. It means I stand in my skill and care and accomplishments. I am neither better nor worse than someone else. I am me – masterfully, magnificently me. And my mastery does not belittle or undermine anyone else. Instead of deferring my authority to someone else, or looking for validation outside of myself, I stand in my knowing. I own my genius, my achievements, and my worth.
6. I live in my body. I used to live a short distance from my body, always hovering somewhere close, but never actually residing within it. I missed out on so much by living that way! We experience this thing called life through our feelings and our senses. You must be in your body to do that. It’s not always easy to feel everything – which is why I chose not to for many years. But now that I do let myself feel it all, I am so much richer for it. My capacity to be with discomfort and pain means I have a far greater capacity for joy and bliss. I’m far more informed about what’s going on around and inside of me. And, more than anything, living in my body means I am present for my life. The woman I want to be loves that I can say that.
7. I focus on my joy. I’ve spent a lot of time around miserable people – cruel and vicious people, too. I spent decades with my eyes firmly fixed on them, wondering when they were going to lash out, harm or betray me. I’ve played the people-pleasing role, the please-love-me role, the slave girl role, and the good girl role. Every time I unconsciously played one of those roles, I was more focused on pain – my own and other’s – than I was on my joy. When I tore my gaze away from all of that, and learned to establish clear boundaries with those people, I was finally able to focus on my life. My happiness. Me! I’ve learned to stay in my own lane and live MY life – and to let other people live theirs, however they choose to do so. It’s been liberating in ways I can’t even articulate. Because I choose to be the kind of woman who experiences peace and joy every day.

What kind of woman do you want to be?

What do you dream about doing? Having? Enjoying? Living?

When you’re at the end of your life, what do you want to see? Feel? Know?

What is important enough to you, that you’re willing to learn new skills, take courageous leaps, and choose your future life and self over the comfort of who and where you are today?

As women, we have been conditioned to live our lives for others, to be overly cautious about what other people think, and to be afraid of our own aliveness.

I invite you to choose something different for yourself. Be bold and audacious and live your life for you – for your enjoyment and fulfillment, first. 

Then give from your fullness. Share from your mastery. Love from your well-loved self. Let yourself become the woman you want to be.

Just imagine how different your life and the world be if you did.