You’ve likely heard me call myself a recovering over-achiever. There are times when I’m brilliant at letting go of perfectionism and working from an inspired and flow-y place. There are also times when my nervous system goes into overdrive, my mind starts thinking a million things a minute, and I feel an extreme pressure to work, do, hustle, perform and produce.

I felt this compulsion to get things done just a couple of weeks ago. I’m not going to lie – I have A LOT of things to get done before December 14^th, and a whole lot more after that date. This is the busiest December I’ve had in 5 years.

So, when my mind started tabulating all that needed to be done and the actual working time frame I have to get those things done within, I understood why my heart rate started to increase, my stress levels started to rise, and my body started to feel more agitated and tense than it normally does.

And… I am committed to not working from this place.

Because the other thing that was equally true for me was that I knew I wasn’t ready to start all of the work I needed to do. I knew the ideas hadn’t fully coalesced in my mind yet. I knew that if I pushed myself the way my nervous system was starting to push me that I’d sit at my desk and spin my wheels more than anything.

All of this came to a head for me when I had an opportunity to go for a socially distanced walk with a girlfriend on a weekday morning before starting my workday. Even as I was driving myself to the trailhead to meet her, I started having an inner argument with myself!

Part of me was scolding, judging and flat out bullying me around for going on this walk – I should be at home working or doing something productive, not wasting time! The other part of me knew without a shred of doubt how much I needed to get outside for some exercise and friend time, and that when I take care of myself like this, I’m actually far more productive in less time.

The back and forth, and back and forth between these 2 parts was fierce! I got angry and actually started yelling at that bully inside of me, which felt simultaneously cathartic and funny because, how often do we give ourselves permission to tell those negative voices where they can stick it?  😉

I went on that walk and it was exactly what I needed. My conversation with my friend even inspired some of the writing I did later that day. I also got some much loved and much needed exercise and social time – both of which filled my cup and calmed my nervous system so I could be super effective and efficient, but also present with everything I had to do that day..

This entire experience showed me how powerfully things in our lives can bully us around if we’re not careful and conscious about them. In this case, my business self was doing the bullying. In other instances, it might be my ideas around perfectionism, or being a “good mother” that are pushing me around.

None of it feels good. And none of it is necessary.

I’m grateful that I have a level of inner wisdom and self-trust that directed me towards feeling good instead of being productive. That’s not to say I don’t love being productive, or that there aren’t times when I need to get things done – because both are very true for me.

But the idea that I have to suffer, stress, and sacrifice my mental, physical and emotional health for the sake of productivity and progress is something I no longer tolerate in my life.

I get to do business from an inspired, focused, and self-loving place.

I get to be an amazing mother – which also means loving and having compassion for myself when I’m not perfect.

I get to have an amazing, fulfilling, joyful work life – one that feels good, supports my vibrancy, and gives me flexibility to meet my own needs.

I get to let go of the old way of doing things – from a place of scarcity and lack, push and force, disconnect and pain.

You’ll know something is starting to bully you around when…

You start to feel stress and pressure build up in your body and nervous system.
You tense up in your neck and shoulders.
Your heart rate may increase.
Your blood pressure might rise.
You may lose sleep or have stressful dreams.
You might even start to sweat more than usual.
You’ll hear a lot of “shoulds”, judgments, and mean, critical words that feel like an attack.

You’ll watch yourself start to weed out the things that feel good to you in order to appease this bully – sleep, social time, pleasure activities, exercise, lunch breaks, time with your kids or partner or both, self-care, healthy boundaries, even bathroom breaks – because whatever is bullying you is also telling you there is no room for you or delight in your life.

Remember, there is a part of you that knows none of this is true. There is a wise woman inside of you that knows feeling good is NOT a big ask. There is a very aligned, healthy, vibrant part of you that knows there is a better way – a good feeling, vitality enhancing, joy-inducing, happy-making way that you get to be and do in your life.

If you listen to her – this wise, aligned, healthy, vibrant part of yourself – she will show you a different, better feeling way forward. Take a moment and tune into her right now. What does she have to say?

Can you trust her?