There are so many shades of self-abandonment that women wear every day.

Women have been entrained to please and placate everyone around them. And why wouldn’t we? It’s not as if this world is exactly a safe place for us.

But in the process of trying to feel safe, we hyper-fixate on others, and take over-responsibility for them in an attempt to manage their reactions, feelings, and triggers.

It is an attempt to feel accepted by others. But it’s also an attempt to feel safe. Because acceptance = safety.

For example, without even knowing it, most women will take the temperature of a room and automatically adjust and shrink themselves to make others more comfortable.

[Even though you must abandon parts of yourself to shrink yourself…]

Women will all-too-frequently allow others to treat them poorly because they’d rather keep the peace than deal with the discomfort and messiness of confrontation.

[Even though you must abandon parts of yourself to tolerate abuse…]

So many women hurt themselves while trying to achieve their goals without realizing it’s coming from a place of feeling inadequate and not good enough.

[Even though you must abandon parts of yourself to push that hard…]

Women will pretend to like something they actually hate as a way to avoid ruffling feathers and maintain a sense of belonging.

[Even though you must abandon parts of yourself to pretend to love something you don’t…]

Needing to be liked by everyone is another example of self-abandonment, because there must be something wrong with you when someone doesn’t.

[Even though you must abandon parts of yourself to be accepted and liked by everyone…]

Self-abandonment looks like all of these things, and more.

But what is the real cost?

Being reliable, responsible, caring and soft-hearted is something many women are proud of. But when you look one layer below the surface these same women usually give past their limits and take on other people’s energy.

And then they feel drained, overwhelmed, exhausted, burned out, and resentful AF.

If you recognize yourself in any of this, you’re not alone.

You’ve been conditioned to constantly caretake and absorb other people’s angst.

But what you were never taught to do was be with someone else’s big emotions without making them your own.

It’s distinctly uncomfortable to be around someone who is triggered, unhappy about their current circumstances, and in pain. It’s understandable that you might want to fix it or make it better for them in any way you can.

But what women really need to learn to do is to be with their own rising discomfort when others are uncomfortable. To learn let other people have their discomfort without trying to change it or make it better.

How different would your life would be if you knew deep in your bones that when someone else is experiencing something difficult, you do not need to take it on to be safe, or belong, or be liked?

Playing the role of the ever willing “shock absorber” of the world around you will create a toxic chemistry in your body. That chemistry will lead to chronic inflammation and a highly pressurized state in your being. Eventually it will break down your tissues and make you sick.

The ways in which women walk in the world needs to evolve.

This evolution means raising the standards for how we will let others treat us.

It means clarifying our boundaries around how we spend our time, and who and what we will and will not take responsibility for.

It means remembering we do not have to please and placate everyone around us to be lovable.

It looks like caretaking ourselves MORE than we caretake others.

it means choosing to surround ourselves with people who value us, regardless of what we can do for them.

And it means never ever tolerating a relationship or circumstance where we have to sacrifice our wellbeing to maintain order, kindness, sanity, and safety.

It’s time for women to start truly, deeply and completely honoring themselves.

We don’t need to burn the world down to do this. We simply need to free ourselves from any misunderstanding that might try to convince us that we have to work for love.

Because, darling woman, you are already completely worthy of every goodness this world has to offer. And you always have been.