I am a rehabilitated permission seeker.

I used to look to others for permission like my life depended on it.

As a very eager and earnest Good Girl, trained from a very young age to people please and serve others, I deferred approval to the authority figures around me.

There are times, even today, when I step outside of the Good Girl role, I feel scared for no reason.

I feel like I’m going to get into trouble or be punished. Does this happen to you, too?

When we are in the unconscious habit of looking for permission from outside of ourselves, we immediately start playing a game where we become less than the person or system who holds the authority.

We get trapped in a dynamic with an external authority that requires us to always play an inferior and subservient role.

This is the way our culture, and a lot of our world, is set up.

When we place ourselves beneath someone or something else, often out of fear, we become trapped into perpetually trying to prove and improve ourselves. We get caught up in the idea that if we’re good enough or work hard enough, then someday we will be enough

This is a game that keeps us in a loop of never-ending pressure. Our motivation comes from  the erroneous idea that we lack something or we’re inherently inferior.

It keeps us constantly striving to be better and hustling to become more.

If you’re not sure if you’re playing this game, the next time you make a decision, ask yourself this question:

Am I making this decision from a place of worthiness and wholeness, or am I making this decision from a place of not-enoughness?

When we are operating from a place of wanting to be Good, wanting to please others, wanting to prove our value and worth, we are already coming from a place of inferiority.

We started playing this game the moment we determined we weren’t enough.

So, we look for kudos and approval from an outside source because that is where we believe, unconsciously or not, authority lives.

We seek, and seek, and seek that approval from others instead of being that authority and giving that approval and permission to ourselves.

Here is a different way of thinking about this:

Approval and permission simply exist.

They aren’t things you have to work for, or seek out, or find, or be blessed with. They simply exist. They live within YOU.

Living from a place of not-enoughness is like walking around with a black hole inside of you.

You will seek fulfillment and joy. You will seek praise, approval and even prestige.

But even if you achieve those things, you will doubt you deserve them. You won’t be able to fully take them in and enjoy them.

Until you fill that inner ravenous black hole with your own self-determined value, there will always be some part of you that doesn’t believe you’re enough.

You will always chase that elusive kudo from a place of inner lack.

Your motivation will always come from trying to fill an inner vacuum of invalidation and emptiness.

This is an unwinnable game that will deplete and exhaust you.

So, how do you get beyond this? How do you stop playing this sick and twisted game, and start living your life for you?

I have so much to say about this topic. So much of my own personal journey has been about resolving this dynamic of never enoughness.

This topic is what I will be exploring in my new podcast “Outrageous Permission: The Hidden Key to an Unlived Life”.

What I will share with you today is this:

You must be willing to give yourself the permission you have been seeking from others.

There are a lot of layers to this, and it is crucial to activate a very particular kind of energy inside of yourself to be able to even entertain doing this.

But for now, I want you to feel into this dynamic for yourself.

Are there places where you are deferring your authority over to someone or something else?

Are there ways that you are managing other people’s feelings because you have made them the authority (and priority) over yourself?

This can be a deeply unconscious dynamic inside of you, but once you can see it and name it, it can begin to change.

You will never have access to the unlived life you dream of if you continue to operate from this place.

Outrageous Permission is the one thing that can make the manifestation and enjoyment of your desires possible.

If you’re wondering how much permission you’re giving yourself, look at the results in your life. They are a perfect reflection of the amount of permission you’ve given to yourself up until now.

The idea of owning your own authority, giving yourself permission, and acting on that permission can feel scary.

It is risky to live outside the very small box of what is considered “good” and “normal” as defined by our white, male, patriarchal, hetero-Christian dominated culture, and world. The risk is exponentially higher if you don’t belong to this group.

And, change of any kind is risky.

The real question to ask yourself is, “What do I want to experience in this one precious life as me?”

If you don’t feel fulfilled by what you are living today, then Outrageous Permission is knocking.

You are the only one who can claim it for yourself.

Lots of love,

Alicia

PS: Would you like to get the inside scoop on everything that’s happening with the launch of my new podcast? Join my private Facebook group here and share your opinion and input as I move forward with this love project.

PPS: Ready to shift this unconscious dynamic of permission seeking? Here are some ways I can support you today:

1. Follow me on Instagram here.
2. Schedule a private call with me where we can discuss how this dynamic is playing out in every area of your life, what you can do to start changing things for the better right away, and how working with me can make all the difference.

These conversations are my gift to you until December 1, 2022. Contact me here and we will find a time to talk.