I’ve never been someone who could hide how she’s feeling. Though I wouldn’t say I’m an open book, I’m pretty darn authentic in how I show up – everywhere.

I find it exhausting to try to keep the truth of what I’m experiencing, how I’m feeling, and what’s really going on with me constantly under wraps so as to present a picture-perfect-polished exterior.

I feel it’s valuable for me to be transparent and real with you about what’s going on over here – with me, with my life, and more – because what we so often see on social media and in marketing isn’t usually what’s going on in reality, and I’m not a fan of perpetuating false and unrealistic expectations.

I will also say here that being authentic and transparent can feel scary and uncomfortable, too! I’m choosing to share here because I have a strong feeling that my story will be helpful to someone. I have a hunch I’m not the only one who is experiencing what I am, even if the circumstances are very different.

5 years ago, I nearly died giving birth to my son. Ever since that day – to one degree or another – I’ve been scrambling, scratching, fighting, focusing, praying, trusting, breathing, surrendering and healing my way through nearly each and every moment of nearly each and every day.

I don’t talk about this much because we’re all going through something really hard right now. I don’t know anyone who isn’t dealing with something that is seriously challenging. We’re all facing massive upheaval, fear, breakdown and disappointment – often all at the same time.

I also don’t talk about this much because it’s been 5 years. In our culture, with the expectations for constant productivity that are put upon all of us, and the demand for proof that you’re of any value whatsoever, 5 years is an eternity. 5 year means you’re doing something wrong. 5 years is proof you’re broken.

5 years is simply… shameful.

(Not to mention 5 years is grueling. 5 years is crazy making. 5 years is fear-doubt-terror inducing. 5 years is devastating in almost every way.)

It’s been very easy for me to read stories of other women who went through a similar version of the health crisis I experienced and wonder why it’s taking me so long to fully heal.

It’s just as easy for me to look to other coaches and solopreneurs and feel woefully inadequate and “behind” because I’m not (and actually can’t) work the way they do.

I can easily look at other moms who have even more than one kiddo and slip into judging and shaming myself for not being able to do what they can do.

I could easily spend many hours a day, every day, wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” because all signs point to the fact that something must be wrong with me.

I could easily shame, judge, punish and ridicule myself for not being enough, doing enough, and for just flat out being broken and worthless.

And I did. For a while, until I recognized that it was hurting me more to do so.

The truth is, I’m not like those other women, coaches, solopreneurs and moms.

I am ME.

I now refuse to put myself into a relentless and addictive cycle of ambition, comparison, judgment, shame, exhaustion, pain, and inadequacy because I HONOR that I AM different.

Instead of being like everyone else, I get to do things in a way that feels good to me, and that allows me to stretch and grow in my own time and way without shame, pressure and unrealistic demands.

YOU DO TOO!

There is so much pressure to be perfect, to keep going, to push and prove and show that we can… even when we’re desperately exhausted and it hurts to do so.

I’m here to remind you that no matter where you’re at in your life in comparison to someone else, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You do not need to push. You do not need to prove. You do not need to punish and penalize yourself if you’re not like everyone else.

You get to be YOU – the raw, messy, vulnerable, authentic, glorious and utterly real YOU.

If you’ve been feeling deficient in any way, or for any reason – whether it’s related to health or something else – I’m here to remind you that these feelings are NOT an indication of who you really are or what you have to offer.

If something happened in the past that has caused you to doubt or mistrust yourself – even if those feelings are justified because you made a bad decision or a mistake – I’m here to remind you that those feelings are NOT proof that you need to keep punishing yourself.

If you feel a constant pressure to perform, prove and produce because otherwise you feel anxious, worthless and lost, I’m here to remind you that your value is NOT attached to what you do or how well or quickly you do it.

Here’s the really beautiful thing: the more you come to a place of truly honoring and accepting yourself – wherever you’re at, however you are, whatever you’ve got or don’t – the more liberated and happy you will feel AND the more permission you give to others to do the same.

I may still be healing after 5 years, and I may still require a lot more TLC than most. None of that makes me inadequate, worthless, broken, less than, deficient, “behind”, incompetent or unfit.

What it does make me is fiercely dedicated, deeply compassionate, grateful beyond measure, and wholeheartedly connected to the monumental experiences we sometimes have to endure.

And it makes me a powerful advocate for YOU and whatever it is you’re facing in your life, today.

PS: If you’re struggling with shame, feeling inadequate, self-judgment, or are feeling like you can’t accept yourself or where you’re at in your life, know first and foremost that I love you and I see you. Then leave a comment below or send me an email. I’ll read every single one that comes my way and get back to you. xx