If honoring yourself was an uncomplicated and effortless thing to do, more women would be doing it. On the contrary, self-honoring can actually be a very confusing and uncomfortable thing to do. That’s because self-sacrifice is held in high esteem, and self-honoring is seen as a high maintenance and self-indulgent act.

Self-honoring flies in the face of what most women have been taught, and it challenges society’s expectations of who we’re supposed to be in order to be lovable, valuable and successful.

There are many reasons why women don’t honor themselves – some of them are deeply personal to each woman, and some are part of the cultural waters we swim in every day.

Here are the top 5 reasons women slip into sacrificing their happiness, health and very selves:

1. We feel we haven’t earned it yet.
   Women are raised from a very young age to believe that their value comes from their productivity, self-sacrifice, and what they can do for others. As a result, we feel guilty if we’re not constantly doing, being productive, or moving towards some lofty goal or destination. But feeling that we have to constantly earn the good things in our life, and the very self-care and self-respect that we require to function properly in the world, means we believe, in some way, that we don’t deserve those things unless we’re demonstrating and proving that we do.
2. We want to fulfill other people’s expectations of us.
   Many women are constantly operating out of fear of what others will think or say about them. As a result, they shrink themselves, dim down their light, do their best to be like everyone else, and try not to take up too much space or ruffle any feathers. But to do this, we have to become who others want us to be at the expense of who we really are. We quit listening to what’s true for us and become who we think someone else wants or needs us to be.
3. We feel we must uphold previous agreements and commitments.
   One of the hardest places in life to honor yourself is when you’ve made agreements and commitments in the past that no longer work for you. Maybe it’s a business agreement, a marriage, or a contract that you’ve committed to. In each case, to honor yourself and what you need, you’d have to go against, cancel, or nullify the commitment which often feels out of integrity, even if those agreements are now causing us harm. We fall into the “I’ve made my bed, now I have to lie in it” trap, which results in most women feeling like they have no choice but to sacrifice themselves for the sake of honoring the commitment.
4. We want to manage how other people perceive us.
   Sometimes honoring yourself means you have to let go of looking put together, in control and perfect. It might mean you appear less than savvy, sexy, professional and cool. But most of us want to put our best selves forward and so the idea of showing up, flaws and all, might feel too vulnerable and scary. As a result, self-honoring takes a back seat to saving face.
5. We judge ourselves, and our desires, dreams and longings.
   I’ve had countless conversations – with myself and others – about how frivolous, unrealistic, and ridiculous a dream or desire is. We say things like, “Who do I think I am to want that?”, or “Who has that?”, or “I should just be happy with what I have”, or even, “I can’t have it anyway, so what’s the point of dreaming about it?”. We tell ourselves that we, and our desires, are absurd. And that shuts down and makes a joke of our longing – the very thing that a deeper, wiser part of us knows we are here to experience and enjoy. In the end, we cut ourselves off from the very part of us that makes life worth living.

Honoring yourself requires an incredible amount of courage – the courage to…

Love what you love
Want what you want
Be who you are
Take up space
Follow your innate wisdom
Disappoint or trigger others
Be misunderstood
Value yourself
Move at your own pace, speed and rhythm
Set clear boundaries
Feel it all
Be criticized and rejected
Ask for what you need
Let go of what no longer serves
Be uncomfortable…

… And to love yourself no matter what.

Choosing to self-honor is the path less traveled.

But if you’re a woman who knows she’s different, who’s clear she’s here to live an exceptional life, and who’s ready to stop postponing her dreams and desires, then learning to honor yourself is the gateway and the path to all that you desire, and more.

There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that you are living your life fully, for you, and that you are doing it in a way that respects and honors all of you – and those you love – along the way.

Because if you are truly honoring you, you inevitably become the best version of you. The whole world benefits from that.