Our modern lives are full and busy, and the pace we’re expected to keep is faster than it’s ever been. It’s no wonder that the number one complaint my clients come to me with is fatigue and exhaustion. Our lives are literally wearing us out!

In my own healing journey I’ve had the “gift” of being super sensitive to the things that drain my energy. If something takes too much of my energy, I feel the effects of it for days. It’s not been the easiest thing to go through, but it’s really opened my eyes to the things that really drain us. It’s often not what you think.

Most of us, myself included, look to diet, sleep, hydration and exercise to try to ameliorate stress and fatigue. These pieces are essential, but they aren’t the whole picture, by a long shot.

Here are 10 not-so-obvious things that are likely draining your energy:

1. Complaining. It takes energy to talk about things that you don’t like, and it takes your precious life force and focuses it on those things that irk you. It’s a bit like flushing your energy down the toilet. This is not to say that you shouldn’t do what you can to improve the things in your life that you don’t like – of course you should! But think about what would be possible if you used your life force for that, instead of just talking about it.
2. Not being selfish enough. Being able to say no to a request, invitation, opportunity or experience – for whatever reason – is an essential skill that many women aren’t entirely comfortable with. But it’s the only way you’ll ever have time, space and energy for yourself and whatever it is you need for you. When we’re not selfish enough to say no, we start living and giving from an empty cup and a wholly exhausted body. If you wonder where your joy and vitality have gone, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself if you’re being selfish enough.
3. Constantly pushing, doing, proving. This is a biggie for women, and it’s big for our entire culture! If we’re not being productive, it’s easy to feel guilty. And that guilt creates a compulsion inside of us to constantly fill our time with activity and productivity. But where is the recovery time in this? The celebrate and enjoy time? The pause, reflect and recalibrate time? So often we’re trying to do it all, and we wear our fatigue and overwhelm like a badge of honor. It’s a bit insane, actually. And it’s definitely draining you of your precious life force, every day.
4. Lack of intention, direction & energy management. It’s easy to focus on what needs to be done, and how we’re going to cram it all in to our schedule. But that’s only focusing on productivity and time, which is likely leaving you feeling pretty pooped. What if instead of making a to-do list you set a clear intention in advance? Your direction and purpose would be much more clear, and it’d be easier to manage your energy… which coincidentally will help you manage your time and your to-dos better.
5. Toxic relationships. These are an energy suck that can leave you feeling bewildered, angry, sad, depressed, guilty, crazy and exhausted. They run the gamut in terms of who they can be with and what they look and feel like, but the key here is to notice which relationships leave you feeling buoyant, joyful, confident and alive, and which ones leave you feeling drained, heavy, heartbroken, empty and even the tiniest bit negative.
6. Negative self-talk. Many of us have toxic relationships with ourselves. We wouldn’t dream of speaking to someone else the way we talk to ourselves! From an energy standpoint, negative self-talk is very depleting. It’s like being repeatedly pummeled with rocks, but on the inside! In short, kindness, love and respect bolster our energy. Judgment, hate and gloom deflate us in an instant.
7. The “I have to do it all by myself” mindset. This is another biggie for a lot of my clients, and for me in those times when I forget how supported I actually am. Sometimes this mindset looks like, “If it’s going to get done right, I have to do it”, and other times it might look like, “It’s all up to me to make this happen”, or some version of that. This way of thinking implies that we have to take on the world by ourselves, and if we don’t, we or it will fail. Frankly, I get tired just thinking about this mindset. It makes everything feel like a monumental marathon which I may, or may not be up for.
8. Settling for less. How many times have you given the best of something to someone else? Settled for less than what you really wanted? Tolerated a situation, relationship or environment that really wasn’t up to your standards? Over time, settling for less drains us. It diminishes our hope and self-esteem, and it teaches others how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. So ask yourself: How are the standards that you uphold for yourself affecting your energy?
9. Lack of reliable support & community. Notice the word “reliable” here. It’s one thing to have support, but it’s something completely different to have support and community that you can rely upon. This looks like trustworthy, honest, open-hearted, positive people in your life who want to see you thrive and will step in and up to be there for you if and when you need it. Without this, it’s easy to slip into the “I have to do it all by myself” mindset. It’s also easy to feel isolated, lonely, and fall into the pattern of constantly doing, pushing and proving – the perfect recipe for diminished energy and radiance.
10. Not knowing how to receive. This is another biggie for my clients! Women are programmed to constantly give, nurture, and be ‘other’ focused that we often feel awkward when someone offers us a compliment or gift. Our ability to receive can be so out of practice that we might not even recognize when someone is freely offering us support, nourishment, generosity and love. Even if we desperately need it, if we don’t know how to receive we can’t actually take in what is there for us. This is even true when it comes to what we eat. Yes, what we eat is important, but what we actually take in, receive, and assimilate – that’s what’s matters most! Without receptivity, we’re left feeling drained, worn out and weary.

There is a powerful antidote to all of these energy drains. It’s one of the most powerful keys to looking and feeling good, and without it, all of the information in the world about vitality, beauty and power can’t help you.

The #1 antidote to living a depleting life is to truly love and honor yourself.

When we truly love and honor ourselves – all of who we are (cellulite and all) in any given moment – we stop sacrificing ourselves, our pleasure and our dreams. We become free to live and love fully, NOW.

Here’s to liberating your energy for a life well lived!