It’s really okay to let something shitty be shitty.

Not everything has a purpose, or a meaning behind it. You don’t have to always be looking for the growth opportunity or even the silver lining.

You don’t have to be strong, or suck it up, or even put your “game face” or “happy face” on these circumstances.

The truth is, sometimes we go through periods of suffering – physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

You might resist calling it suffering, but that’s what it is. Times like these are painful, and they can leave you reeling, confused, clawing your way through to what you hope is the other side.

You can spin your wheels and waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out why it’s happening, why this unwanted guest is here, why you and why now.

But when you’re in the thick of it, it’s not the time to ask WHY.

Maybe you’ll switch gears and ask instead: What did I do to bring this on? What does it all mean?

But you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure  that out, too.

Most of us are so busy spinning our wheels trying to get out of this place of suffering and discomfort, looking for relief in the quick fix, the miracle cure, the whatever is the quickest way forward and through.

But not everything has a pretty little explanation that lives in a pretty little box with a pretty little bow. In fact, that’s rarely ever the case.

As much as we might not want to admit it, sometimes shitty things happen for no discernable reason.

They come. They eventually go. You endure them. And you live on.

These shitty things? They don’t mean you’re morally bankrupt. They don’t mean you’re being punished for your past or current sins.

Sometimes shitty things are just shitty things. Period.

Your responsibility, now that this shitty thing is here, is to be gentle and generous with yourself. Because shitty things are hard, and you don’t need to make it harder on yourself by adding insult to injury.

Instead…

Be patient and kind and forgiving towards yourself – 2000x more than you are already.
Listen and feel – maybe more than you want to.
Eat plenty of high quality chocolate – or your healthy-feel-good-grounding-food of choice.
Laugh if and whenever you can.
Cuss and swear as much as you can – get creative with it! Invent new words!
Push your hands into a wall with all your might.
Throw a tantrum on the floor – yes, kick and scream and writhe!
Break things when necessary!

And make a lot of room for crying, wailing and moaning. Maybe more than you think you can, or should.

Part of what is so shitty about shitty things is that we don’t have a say. They show up, they deeply impact us, and then we’re left reeling, wondering what that was all about.

But you are not powerless when shitty things arrive on your doorstep. You may not be able to determine how long that shitty thing stays in your life – goodness knows they often stay far longer than we wish they would! But there are places where you DO have choice.

When the big feelings have moved through (even if it’s for the 207^th time) and you’re left with the blinking neon WTF sign of it all, ask yourself these powerful questions:

What do I WANT this to mean?
What self-honoring action do I WANT this to inspire?
What is really important to me  – as in, what is my biggest priority right now?
What boundaries do I need to create to support myself and protect my priorities?

Answer these questions from your softest, most tender heart space where honesty, clarity and truth abound.

Yes, that place.

Sit with your answers and decide how you will live into them.

Like it or not, this unwelcome shitty thing is changing you. You will not be the same on the other side.

So…

Let it change you in the best ways possible.

It may take some time to figure out what that means for you. But that’s okay.

None of us were given an instruction manual for this thing called life. And that’s for good reason.