I used to feel like I was living someone else’s life.

I even said it out loud once: “When do I get to live MY life?” It was a very good question that only I had the answer to.

Of course, I wasn’t conscious of my perpetual people pleasing, self-silencing, self-sacrificing behavior. It was something I learned how to do at a very young age – a brilliant survival tactic that served me well when I was growing up.

But as an adult, I continued to unconsciously play that dynamic out in every single relationship I was in. By the age of 40, I was burnt to a crisp and utterly exhausted – not to mention angry, resentful, lonely, desperate, and scared.

This was on top of the huge impact this way of living was having on my health – another thing I wasn’t aware of.

There are some patterns that are so ingrained inside of us that we think they are us – when in fact, they are not. They’re simply all we’ve known.

I can see now that everything that happened next had to happen because the changes that needed to be made couldn’t have happened any other way. Things had to get that bad before they could change – before I could change.

My life broke apart – or rather, I broke my life apart.

I could quite easily say this part of my story was the worst thing I’ve ever lived through – because it was… AND it wasn’t.

When I look back at the death of my body and the birth of my son, I was preparing for a fresh start.

The years of health challenges that followed was like a steady reminder to me to keep choosing myself, keep choosing differently, and keep changing my trajectory. It took a high level of devotion to really commit to the changes I knew, deep down inside needed to happen.

Because I had already lived all the life that could be lived in what I’d known before.

I entered into the void of not knowing how things were going to turn out and I learned to trust the only thing I could trust at the time – my inner knowing.

I made some HUGE changes in my personal and professional life.

I did the hardest inner work and self-reflection. I met the denial that had been keeping me in a holding pattern, and I let that denial fall away.

Then slowly, over several years, my different choices set me on a new path.

When I finally freed myself from my toxic past, I cried a lot. I grieved what I was leaving behind – even if it was dysfunctional – and I mourned the beauty I’d never known or lived.

I became crystal clear about what I hold near and dear to my heart, and I learned to set and maintain boundaries to hold those things – and myself – sacred and safe.

I stopped living the life I’d settled for, and I gave myself permission to start living my life, my way.

The most powerful thing about my story is that when I did all of this, my health improved in radical ways, and my life started to make sense – possibly for the first time, ever.

I’m now in a phase of strengthening and fortifying instead of an acute phase of healing. My life isn’t being dictated by what my energy and health will allow, anymore.

I get to choose, and I’m choosing me.

Becoming a Self-Honoring Woman is an ever “becoming” process. Every day is an opportunity to know your value . And then you get to choose if you’re going to live your life according to that value, or not.

As the people-pleasing, self-sacrificing version of us fades to black, something true and powerful and beautiful emerges in its wake. It’s so much more than you think it is.

My wish is for every woman to experience this rising of her true self. Because it’s time for women to know themselves – their true selves.

And the world needs this version of us now, more than ever.