Whenever I work with a client whose primary goal is to lose weight, I always ask about their “why”.

Why do they want to lose weight? Why now?

These are important questions because very often the things that are motivating women to want to lose weight are things they aren’t fully aware of. And all too often, those unconscious motivators are quite toxic.

In our culture, we’re surrounded by examples of what our bodies are supposed to look like. We’re given millions of messages that tell us we need to lose weight. Firm up. Fix ourselves.

Patriarchy places a lot of pressure on women to fit the beauty standard du jour.

It’s happening on a subtle level, but it’s there. No doubt about it.

Thin = happy, successful, beautiful & powerful

Overweight = unhappy, failure, invisible & powerless

This is a lie that we’ve all been expected to believe, whether we’re aware of it, or not.

Have you ever felt competitive with another woman? Played the, “I’m better than you if I look a certain way, and you’re less than me if you don’t” game?

This is patriarchy through and through. It’s the toxic messaging that seeps into us at a very young age, infiltrating us with this bizarre idea that white, cis-gender, heterosexual bodies are somehow more valuable and worthy. And the thinner, the better.

So, what is truly motivating your desire to lose weight?

Is it a fear that if you don’t stay thin, you’ll disappear in some way? Lose your desirability? Your status? Or power?

If you’re a woman who has been fixated on the idea that your beauty, your success, your likeability, and the quality of your life hinges on weighing a certain number, it’s time to take a step back from your weight loss pursuit.

Because by pursuing weight loss to fit into today’s standard of beauty and the structure of power that comes with it, you’re playing the game the patriarchy wants you to play.

You’re buying into the power dynamics that be. You’re believing the lies they want you to believe.

The very premise you’re starting from is that there is a limited amount of power that is only given to those who look a certain way. And of course, none of us want to be left out.

The truth is there is nothing wrong with you no matter what you weigh or what you look like.

If you don’t believe me, who or what has convinced you of that? You guessed it. Patriarchy strikes again!

You do not have to believe the lies that are all around you.

You can’t be inferior or powerless if you choose to no longer play that game.

You do not have to agree to judge and loathe your body if you don’t look like a model, athlete, or yogini.

You don’t have to agree to a game that expects you to hate and disconnect from yourself. That’s playing a game where, in truth, nobody wins.

Staying connected to your body and loving yourself – even if you want to change how you look – is the key.

Because when you’re in touch with your body, you have access to your inner wisdom. When you commit to loving yourself no matter what, you stay connected to your power.

When you reside fully inside of yourself, there’s no room for the patriarchy to take up space.

What does a healthy “why” for weight loss look like? It can be desire to…

Have more energy

Feel stronger

Go on that walking tour of Venice with ease

Feel lighter and more free

Age well

Keep up with your kids

Play more

Fulfill a dream

Reach a fitness goal

Come home to yourself more deeply

Live and enjoy more life

These why’s are a far cry from the disdain and judgment the patriarchy wants us to motivate ourselves with.

Women have been deeply conditioned to perpetually strive to be good and desirable enough. Weight loss and dieting have too often been a part of that equation.

But playing the game the patriarchy wants you to play has only one outcome – feeling like a failure who will never measure up.

What would it be like to pursue your weight loss goals from a much different place inside of yourself? From a place of knowing you are already worthy, loveable, brilliant and beautiful?

There is a way to do this. I’m practicing this myself, right now.

You get to honor yourself fully for who you’ve been, who you are today, and for who you are becoming.

Always.