What do you do when hard things come up?

When life goes sideways, or you receive difficult news, or someone offers you feedback that is hard to swallow…

What is your go-to?

For some, it’s to get reactive. Protect. Defend. For others it’s to double down on their position and dig their heels into their “rightness”.

Some choose to lash out, dish out hurt, seethe, and blame. Others will immediately go into shame, make themselves wrong, and want to hide.

What do you do?

Recently, a mom friend of mine brought something to my attention about my son.

Now, if you want to ruffle a mother’s feathers, tell that mother that their child is misbehaving. It’s usually a direct line to an exposed nerve that, when pressed, can cause a lot of shame, blame, anger, and other not-so-pretty emotions.

This friend knew it was a delicate thing to bring up, but she did it with such love. I could feel her genuine desire to share something she felt was concerning, and to support not only me, but my son.

I received her news with a little pang in my stomach, because ugh. That’s not easy to hear. But also… WOW. Look what this mother was doing! She was demonstrating real care.

The Alicia of 10 years ago would have gone into shame. She would have felt awkward and like she had done something unforgivably wrong, and that she was a bad mother. It would have been very hard for her to see this situation as anything but an embarrassment.

But the Alicia of today was so grateful! I know I can’t be everywhere all the time. I know I don’t know what I don’t know.

I didn’t need to take this news personally because it was a reflection of something my son is going through, not a reflection of who I am as a mom or a woman.

I know this because I know and trust myself. I know I’m a great mom who is doing her best. If there is room for improvement, I’m up for that, too.

Why am I sharing this with you?

There will be times when we receive some news or an opinion, and it impacts us. It can be easy to react, defend, protect, or go into shame.

But what if you could look at the situation honestly and see if there is something there that is useful?

Not everything will be relevant to us. Some opinions don’t need to be received or taken in. The world is filled with irrelevant information and people who want you to make them an authority in your life.

You don’t need to do that if it’s not helpful to you.

And… There will be times when the information or opinion can be insightful and deeply relevant. Edgy, but true.

Sometimes there will be value in what is shared with you, and it can be an invitation for you to stretch and grow.

That is something that is definitely worth showing up for with gratitude and thanks in your heart.

Who are the people in your life that truly support you in being your best self? Who are the people in your life that offer information, opinions and encouragement that are helpful?

Spend more time with those peeps. They want you to be all you can be.

Don’t we all need more people like that in our lives?

Lots of love,

Alicia