In mid-life, there may be times when you see yourself in the mirror, or in a photo someone took, and you don’t recognize yourself.

Or worse, you’re embarrassed and ashamed of how you look.

Maybe seeing that photo, or trying on a swimsuit, or trying to get into a pair of pants that used to fit triggers a hurricane of self-loathing and body hate that takes you down for the day – or more.

And maybe all you want to do is cry, or rage, or go to sleep for a week.

When I was going through a maelstrom like this not so long ago, a very wise mentor of mine told me I needed to accept where I was.

Because maybe I’d get my old body back… and maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I’d lose the weight… and maybe I wouldn’t.

I must admit when she said “accept”, everything in my body resisted the idea.

Because “acceptance” has often felt like resignation to me – as in “I guess this is the way it is, and it can’t be changed, so I just need to accept it.”

There was no way in hell I was going to resign myself to looking and feeling the way I did.

But me being me, I sat with what my wise mentor had shared with me, and I felt into what it might mean to accept myself as is.

I soon realized I was attaching an unhelpful mindset to the idea of acceptance which was making it impossible for me to even see the value of what acceptance could offer me.

Here’s the thing:

Acceptance does not mean resignation.

Acceptance means to come into right relationship with WHAT IS.

Acceptance means to stop fighting WHAT IS and to honor it instead.

Because when we reject what is, it’s because we want it to be different than it is. But when we haven’t even gotten clear on why that unwanted thing is here, or what we can learn from it, or what it wants us to know, how can we possibly change it?

We immediately go into attacking and hating it because we don’t want it.

And yet, it’s here, just as it is. And if it’s here, it is here for a reason.

When what we are rejecting is our bodies and ourselves, we create an internal war that thrives on self-punishment and self-loathing.

What a horrible place to be!

I know far too many women who have been in this war with themselves for decades.

If you’ve been at war with your body for years and years, it can feel alarming to even imagine calling a ceasefire.

It can feel like you need to be in that war with yourself, otherwise something awful is going to happen. You’ll lose your edge and resign yourself to living with something that still feels so unlovable and so very not okay.

But what if acceptance is the first step to change – a kind of change that doesn’t require you to attack and hate yourself into a different shape or place?

Instead of hating yourself and withholding love and acceptance from yourself until you reach your ideal…

What if acceptance means you choose to honor and love yourself every step of the way?

Honestly, which way feels better to you?

The journey informs the destination. And life is a journey.

If there is something happening inside of your body that you would like to change, why not make your journey of transformation feel good to you?

Why not love, honor and accept yourself as you learn and grow and evolve?

Why not walk away from the inner battle you’ve been in – once and for all – and instead be in awe of how fabulous you really are?

Your pant size, the number on a scale, or one snapshot from a single moment in time says nothing about you. You cannot be reduced to something as simple and trivial as that.

And neither can your body and this journey called “life” that you’re on while you are in it.

My wise mentor was right when she said I needed to accept WHAT IS – because it’s only from a place of self-love and acceptance that lasting growth and transformation can happen.

Am I at my ideal weight right now? Am I living in my ideal body as I write this?

Nope. In fact, far from it. I’m still healing, and there’s no rushing or changing that truth.

But am I going to hate and attack and punish myself for what I look like right now?

Absolutely not.

I’m listening to my body, staying open and curious, and doing the inner work that needs to be done right now. I’m following through on what my body says it wants and needs.

Acceptance is not a one-time thing – it’s a daily practice.

But the more I befriend my body and support it in doing exactly what it needs to do, the better I feel and the more peace I experience in my body, and in my life.

True healing and change can only truly happen when there is peace.

Now over to you.

Are there places where you’ve conflated acceptance with resignation?

Are there things happening in your life or with your body that could benefit from a healthy dose of acceptance?

Lots of love,

Alicia

PS: If you, or someone you know, is ready to reclaim lost energy and shape shift your body, please reach out to me. I’m here to help you create the body and life you want without going to war with yourself in the process!