I can’t tell you how many times I have compared myself to someone else. 

I mean, the number is astronomical – in the upper zillions, at the very least. 😬

I’ve come to understand that comparison is a very normal thing that humans do. 

It’s a way we try to gauge – accurately or not – where we are, how we are doing, and even how far away we are from where we would like to someday be.

But sometimes the comparison game goes in a very sideways direction and leaves us feeling sad, depressed, powerless, and like we are hopelessly inferior and desperately lacking. 😩

Social media has not helped this, in the least. Especially when our own ambition wants us to reach higher and become more than we currently are.

Ultimately, comparison can be a trap that frequently leaves us feeling full of self-loathing, judgment, and shame.

So today, I want to share that I have found a way through the negative comparison trap 🙌 🙌 🙌

There is a way we can use those crappy feelings that can come from wanting what someone else has, so that we can take empowered and aligned action on our own behalf. 

Here are my 4 steps to transforming comparison into power:

1. This first step is the step you might want to skip, so I am intentionally inviting you into it because if you frame this step in a particular way, it can yield long-standing benefits that you’d otherwise miss.

I invite you to fully feel your feelings of envy, inferiority, self-judgment, shame, or whatever else comes up for you when you compare yourself to someone or something else.

There is information in your feelings that, if used in a particular way, can inform and inspire you.

So, the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, let yourself feel your feelings. Name them. Sink into them. Take note of how strong they are. 

Do they have you simultaneously crying into and biting your pillow at night? Do they make you nauseous or have you lacing up your sneakers to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction?

There is information there. Trust yourself, and feel your feelings. Be with the discomfort. They are there for a very good reason. 

(And keep reading! Don’t just stay in the crap! 😉)

1. Here is where you get to reframe things for yourself. 

Instead of seeing yourself as broken, or incapable, or undeserving, or “wrong” in some way, you can reframe your strong feelings for what they really are: a very strong DESIRE that has yet to be fulfilled. 

It could be a state of health, or wealth, or a relationship, or a lifestyle that you see another having. And when you compare your own whatever it is, to what you see someone else living, it leaves you in a feeling of lack and yearning.

Yearning, lack, and desire can often get coupled with “I can’t have that, I’ll never have that, There’s something wrong with me, It’s easier for them, It’s harder for me” thinking. 

But if we mute that negative self-talk and just look at the deep yearning, well, that’s DESIRE talking. Plain and simple.

Don’t let your ego keep you in that small-thinking, self-judging, negative loop. Simply peel that negative self-talk back and admire that deep, unsatisfied hunger that lives inside of you. 

There is something so brilliant and beautiful about DESIRE, in and of itself. Desire is calling you into an unlived aspect of your life – a part of yourself and your life that wants to be lived!

Life is calling you through your desire! How amazing is that?!?

1. The more you feel the truth of your desire and how much you long for it, the more you can derive inspiration from it. 

You may have been talking yourself out of your desire for decades with the negative self-talk that likes to fill in the spaces of your mind and derail your best ideas and intentions. 

You may have decided long ago that the thing you really want is silly, frivolous, makes no sense, and is a waste of time. 

Ah, but if the envy and trigger (a.k.a. desire) still rise inside of you when you see someone else living what you desire? That is a powerful indication that the desire still burns within – only you’ve not let yourself acknowledge it or make movement towards it.

Can you let yourself be encouraged and emboldened by your desire? Can you let your desire get so strong, so vivid, so crystal clear that there is no hiding or denying it anymore?

This is what acknowledging and feeling your feels about your longing can do. 

One example from my life is this: I’ve wanted to be an artist since I was a little girl. But I talked myself out of pursuing anything like that for decades because I didn’t believe it was “important” enough, or “impressive” enough, or that I was “good” enough at it. 

If you’ve been reading my newsletters for a while now, you are aware of how much time and energy I’ve spent (wasted) trying to prove my worth to others… 😐

Well, now that I’m in my late 40’s, I am unapologetically making art! I don’t know that it will ever hang in the Louvre, or sell for millions at auction, or become the centerpiece of some cultural revolution. That’s not up to me, and in all honesty, I don’t care.

Yes, I do have dreams of my art “being out in the world”… but I’ve come to realize that’s less important to me than making it.

I love making art – even if it’s only for my own enjoyment. It would be great if it became more, but I’m not going to hold myself back from something I love because some small, fearful, misinformed part of me thinks I can only do it if it becomes a masterpiece. 

1. Once you can see how your strong feelings were directing you to an unfulfilled desire, you get to make a powerful decision: Are you are going to let yourself remain hungry in your longing, or are you ready to act on behalf of yourself and your unrelenting desire?

Here’s the thing – it may be a bit of a long and winding road for you to get to have, experience, or live what you long for. 

There may be much to do to take you there; some inner work that needs to be addressed, or some new skills that need to be acquired and practiced over time. All of that may feel overwhelming, daunting, or impossible.

You still have a choice. 

You can sit where you’re at and lament the absence of your desire, and tell yourself it won’t ever get to happen, that you can’t have it, and how much you suck because of it, and how you should just hide away in a hole and resign yourself to life without it…

Or you could start taking action – even one small, tiny, infinitesimal action towards your desire – TODAY.

It’s up to you.

You could ask yourself, “What is one small thing I can do right now to take me in the direction of my desire?”

If you have a lot of physical healing to do, maybe it’s to take a nap and rest more – because rest is one of the best curatives when healing is needed. 

Maybe your next step is to sign up for a ballroom dancing class, or an erotic novel writing class, or a cooking class. 

Maybe it’s to finally quit your job, or investigate IVF options, or research moving to Morocco, or buy that URL for that business idea you have.

Whatever your desire, however STRONG your desire might be, you are the only one who can choose if you pursue it or not. 

Only you can give yourself permission to live into that desire. 

Only you can live into that unlived longing. It’s up to you.

It’s probably no surprise when I say that I hope you choose to move in the direction of your desire.

There is SO MUCH LIFE in our desires. And there is SO MUCH LIFE that gets to happen when we start living into them, even one baby step at a time.

I hope you step out of your comfort zone and complacency. I hope you press mute on any and all self-defeating self-talk. 

This is your one precious life as you. I hope you choose to LIVE IT UP!

Trust me when I say, you will never regret living more. 

Lots of love,

Alicia 

PS: If you’re tired of living life on repeat, and you’re ready to live more…

Here are some ways I can support you today:

1) Follow me on Instagram here.

2) Download my “8 Inner Shifts for Stepping Into the New You” document here.

3) Connect with me in a 1-on-1 conversation and let’s discover what’s holding you back, where you feel most called to begin, and how working with me can make all the difference.

Simply reply to this email and we will find a time to talk.