How many times have you suffered in silence because you didn’t want to inconvenience someone else? When have you gone without because you didn’t want to “make waves” or call attention to yourself? How often have you done this even when you weren’t happy and your needs weren’t getting met?

I’ve eaten restaurant meals I didn’t particularly enjoy because I didn’t want to appear ungrateful and picky. I put up with chronic pain in my body for years because I just learned to “tune it out” whenever I could. I’ve stayed in relationships too long because I thought if I could just be what the other person wanted then they‘d love me. I’ve even lived with broken teeth – one in particular that turned an awful shade of yellow that made me shy about smiling fully for years.

This is something that we as women frequently do. We tolerate things in our lives and secretly suffer in silence because we don’t want to ask for what we really want and need. We put up with second best and don’t give a second thought to what it’s really costing us to live this way.

Maybe we fear we’ll upset or ask too much of someone else, and they will leave or stop loving us. Maybe we don’t want to come across to others as being “high maintenance”, selfish, or (heaven forbid!) needy. For some of us, it’s more than fear that keeps us in this place of accepting a daily dose of suffering, pain and struggle.

Many of us have grown so accustomed to living a life that’s full of unsatisfying experiences that we believe our lives are supposed to be this way. We think it’s all we deserve because it’s all we’ve ever known. We may even believe it’s our “lot in life” to struggle and strive to prove we deserve the little bit of goodness we do have.

For years, decades even, there was a big part of me that believed I should suffer. I thought it meant I was being a “good person”, and that this is the way my life was supposed to look and feel. I felt it proved, somehow, that I was deserving of anything good that came my way. I lived the life of a martyr to convince others, and my own doubting self that I was worthy of love, abundance, convenience and comfort.

But then it began to dawn on me that I was actually choosing to live this way. I didn’t have to live with chronic shoulder and neck pain. I could return a meal at a restaurant if it didn’t meet my standards. My yellow tooth could be fixed so that I felt more comfortable smiling fully whenever I wanted to. I could be myself no matter what because to be anyone else was exhausting, and it was hurting me deeply to pretend otherwise.

I was the only one making up the unspoken rules that said I should suffer, work extra hard, prove my worth and tolerate pain. It occurred to me that there are no rewards for suffering. There would be no gold stars for martyrdom handed out at the end of my life.

I was tired of making my life harder than it needed to be.

Conversations about how “hard life is” are commonplace. And it is true; life can throw us curve balls and challenges all of the time. So why on earth do we make it even harder on ourselves by choosing to silently suffer and tolerate things that complicate matters even more?

Why don’t we choose things that can support us, streamline our busy schedules and simplify our complicated lives? Who are we trying to prove our worth to? And why does our value get tied up in how much pain, discomfort and misery we can live through?

I believe it’s time to let go of struggle and release our compulsion to prove to anyone that we are strong, capable and loveable. I believe it’s time to discover and own our worth from the inside out so that we no longer look outside of ourselves for approval and attention. I believe it’s time we love ourselves enough to ask for what we want, need and require.

How we treat ourselves sets the standard for how others treat us. Ladies, it’s time to raise the bar, shake off the shackles of struggle, prioritize ourselves and feeling good every day, and step into the knowing that we deserve the very best life has to offer.

Will you join me?