Last week I got caught up in the comparison game. 

It was innocuous enough. I was listening to the plans several parents had made for spring break and the fun adventures they were going to have. 

Before I knew it, I started to compare my plans to their plans. Suddenly, the quiet, at-home staycation I had planned for my son and I seemed woefully plain and inadequate.

The thing about comparison is that it rarely, if ever, feels good. It’s a game our egos like to play where we inevitably position ourselves above, or beneath, someone or something else.

In this case, I positioned myself beneath these other seemingly fabulous parents and plans. I felt inferior, and then I felt jealous*. 

My ego went into full attack mode and things really began to spiral. I started to fear that I was a bad mother and that somehow, I was hurting my son because I hadn’t made fantastic spring break plans like these other parents had.

This kind of emotional downward spiral can arise at any moment in time. 

It can set in when we’re scrolling through social media, doing something outside our comfort zones, becoming more visible, stepping into a new or next level for ourselves, or having a mundane conversation about vacation plans. 

Before we know it, we’re judging ourselves, marinating in jealousy, and vacillating between unworthiness, guilt, fear, and powerlessness. We get sucked into an emotional downward spiral, and if we don’t know how to pull ourselves out of it, we might stay there much longer than necessary.

Moving out of an emotional downward spiral requires 3 things: awareness, intention, and devotion.

1. Awareness of what is happening to us – that we’re being sucked into a black hole of crappy feelings, mired in negative self-talk, judging ourselves for what we perceive as our shortcomings, and believing that we are somehow inferior and inadequate.

1. Intention to change how we are feeling – to choose to not engage in that negative (though often familiar) emotional downward spiral and mindset that feels so awful, and to find a better feeling way forward instead.

1. Devotion to making different decisions and taking different actions to create a different (and much better feeling) outcome. 

In this instance, here is what I did:

I caught myself in comparison and realized I was in an emotional downward spiral (awareness).

I chose to look for proof of how and why I am an amazing mother, and how my plans for a quiet spring break were perfect and right for us (intention).

I pivoted my attention away from what the other parents and families were doing, again and again, and instead focused on what felt good and true to me outside of the comparison game I’d gotten caught up in. When my mind wandered back into comparison, I kept coming back to my priorities and the proof (devotion). 

(*I also took note of the things I felt jealous about because jealousy can often point us in the direction of an unnamed desire. I get to own that desire even if now is not the right time for it.)

I pulled myself out of that emotional downward spiral by remembering to “stay in my own lane”. I remembered I’m here to live my life, my way. My life is going to look and feel very different from anyone else’s, and that is the way it’s supposed to be. 

As I let go of the insecurity, fear, and guilt that comparison-itis brought up for me, I settled back into a place of confidence and peace. I knew I’d made the perfect plans for spring break because our staycation aligns perfectly with what matters most to my son and I, and all that feels good and nourishing to us, too. 

The next time you find yourself in an emotional downward spiral, I want you to remember you have choice. With some awareness, intention, and devotion, it is possible to elevate how you’re feeling, even when you’ve gotten sucked into the black hole of comparison-itis, fear, guilt, or shame. 

Because when you stay in an emotional downward spiral, you stop living. I want you to remember that you have far too much living to do to stay in such a negative, joyless, unhappy place.

You are worthy of feeling good. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of joy. 

You are worthy of a living a life that is brimming with goodness – no matter what that might look like, or how different it might be to what someone (or everyone) else is doing!

I’d love to hear from you – how do you get out of an emotional downward spiral? And if you try my 3 steps, how did things change for you?